A Short Play On the Long History of the United States Rejecting Puerto Rico Statehood
A 125-year-old dialogue between the United States and Puerto Rico on the island’s political future.
*Not really a play — more of a dialogue. But play sounds better.
**An edited version of this ‘play’ was published in the March/April 2024 issue of Current Affairs. You can buy the digital and/or print magazine here.
***Everything you’re about to read, save for the epilogue, is an interpretation of documented historical fact.
1898
United States: Hi! We’re the United States. We’re invading you now. You know, to free you from Spain’s colonial rule.
Puerto Rico: Um… OK. So are you going to make us a state then?
United States: Oh! Funny — we hadn’t even considered that. Hmm. Well… no. At least, not yet! But who knows that the future holds?
1901
United States: Hey guys, we’re starting to get some questions about our colo– I mean, territory down there in the Caribbean. Legally speaking. Does the Constitution follow the flag? Do we have to give Puerto Ricans, you know, rights and stuff?
Also the United States: I suppose we could just make Puerto Rico a state. That would pretty much solve everything.
United States: Right, right… we could do that. Any other ideas?
Also the United States: Here’s a thought. We have the Supreme Court make some rulings. They’ll say Puerto Rico is our territory but… an unincorporated territory. They’ll say Puerto Rico belongs to the United States, but it isn’t a part of the United States. We’ll justify it by calling Puerto Ricans an alien race of savage people, and we’ll have ourselves an egregious legal framework that’ll last for the next 125 years.
United States: I love it! It’s perfect. But are we sure it’s going to last? Surely at some point in the next century somebody’s going to look at these rulings and overturn them. I mean, it literally says “savages” in there.
Also the United States: You’d think so, wouldn’t you.
Puerto Rico, who has been standing silently in a corner unable to speak: Wait… what just happened?
1917
United States: Hi Puerto Rico! Quick question: how would you like to become U.S. citizens?
Puerto Rico: You mean, because we’re gonna be a state? Are you finally gonna make us a state?
United States: No no. No statehood. We’ll just… make you citizens.
Puerto Rico: But why? Why would you give us citizenship but not statehood?
United States: …For reasons.
Puerto Rico: I dunno, Uncle Sam. It sounds a little weird.
United States: Look, I’ll sweeten the deal. We’ll make you citizens, we’ll let you have your own House and Senate so you can pass your own laws…
Puerto Rico: Oh! So it’ll be like we can govern ourselves?
United States: Wait, wait, you didn’t let me finish. We’re also gonna make all federal laws apply to Puerto Rico. Except for when we don’t want them to apply.
Puerto Rico: Can we pass laws that supersede federal law?
United States: Not at all.
Puerto Rico: Can you veto our laws?
United States: Of course not! Only your governor can do that.
Puerto Rico: Don’t you appoint our governor?
United States: …Yes.
Puerto Rico: Can we override the Governor’s veto?
United States: You absolutely can.
Puerto Rico: What happens then?
United States: The President will decide.
Puerto Rico: The President of…?
United States: The United States.
Puerto Rico: This all just seems so needlessly complicated. Are you sure you don’t want to just make us a state?
United States: We’re quite sure.
Puerto Rico: You know what? This is pretty sketchy. I don’t think we want this.
United States: Oooh… Sorry! We already did it. Congratulations! You are now United States citizens.
Puerto Rico: …
—
One month later:
Puerto Rico, reading news that the U.S. has entered World War I : Huh. War in Europe. How ‘bout that?
One month after that:
Puerto Rico, reading news of the Selective Service Act: Oh son of a bitch!
1918–1949
Puerto Rico: So… statehood?
United States: Puerto Rico! Hi. We had almost forgotten about you. That’s still a no on statehood — sorry. We would, however, be quite happy if you helped us surveil and imprison your pro-independence leaders for a few decades. That would certainly please your dear old Uncle Sam, and can only make us more likely to consider statehood in the future.
Puerto Rico: OK… but you better come through for us. It’d be pretty messed up if you repressed our independence movement AND denied us statehood for another 100 years.
United States: *Smirks*
1950–1952
United States: Guys, I think we need to do something about Puerto Rico again.
Also the United States: But we just let them elect their own governor two years ago! Jesus — what more do these people want?
United States: It’s not even them, really. It’s this whole post-World War 2 international order. Having colo– I mean, territories, is just an increasingly bad look. That new thing, the UN, they even keep a list of non self-governing territories.
Also the United States: What do they call it?
United States: …The List of Non Self-Governing Territories.
Also the United States: …
United States: I know. But it’s kind of a pain in the ass. They make you submit an annual report about each territory.
Also the United States: I do hate writing reports…
United States: I just don’t know how much longer we can get away with this whole colo– I mean, territory thing. We’re supposed to be the champions of democracy over here!
Puerto Rico: Hi! Couldn’t help overhearing. It definitely, totally seems like it’s finally time to make me a state and solve all our problems.
United States: Shh. Hang on a sec, sweetie — the grown-ups are talking.
Also the United States: OK. How about this: we let Puerto Rico have a constitution. They can write it up themselves and everything.
United States: I dunno. That seems a little risky. What if they put something in there we don’t like?
Also the United States: We just take it out! We’ll get to approve the damn thing anyway.
United States: So we’re not really going to give up power over Puerto Rico…
Also the United States: Oh God no.
United States: It’s a good start. But I’m not sure it’s going to be enough.
Also the United States: Hmm. What if we change Puerto Rico’s name? Add something to it. Something like… what’s that thing they call Massachusetts?
United States: A Commonwealth?
Also the United States: A Commonwealth! “The Commonwealth of Puerto Rico.” Kinda has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
United States: But what does it even mean?
Also the United States: Nobody will know, and nobody will care. That’s the beauty of it. We’ll go to the United Nations and say: Puerto Rico’s not a colony; it’s a Commonwealth. They got their own constitution and everything!
United States: And you really think that’ll be enough? You think that’ll get them to take Puerto Rico out of its list of non self-governing territories?
Also the United States: Baby, I have a feeling we’re gonna be able to get the UN to do whatever we want.
—
United States: Hey Puerto Rico! Come back here! We decided what we’re doing.
Puerto Rico: You mean what we’re doing instead of giving us statehood.
Also the United States: Right.
Puerto Rico: Or independence.
United States: *Snickers*
Puerto Rico: …
Also the United States: Don’t look at me like that, Puerto Rico! It’s good news! You’re gonna get to have a constitution. You’re gonna be a Commonwealth. It’s a brand new day for our special relationship!
Puerto Rico: Wait — what’s a Commonwealth?
United States: Don’t worry about it.
Puerto Rico: Is this gonna be a thing like in 1917 where it just seems like you’re giving me more self-government but, decades later, your own legal and political institutions will be forced to acknowledge that you just put lipstick on a colonial pig but nothing really changed? Because, look, I’ll go along with it. I just want to know if that’s what we’re doing.
The United States: That… is pretty much what we’re doing.
1967
Puerto Rico: Hey U.S. You believe in democracy, right?
United States: In theory, sure.
Puerto Rico: Voting, the will of the people, all that stuff?
United States: …Where are you going with this, Puerto Rico?
Puerto Rico: We’re gonna vote on our political status. Let the people decide. A true exercise of democracy!
United States: *Chuckles* Sure! Knock yourselves out.
Puerto Rico: And you’ll abide by the results, right?
United States: Um… yeah. Let’s say we will. You don’t need that in writing or anything, do you?
Puerto Rico: I guess not?
United States: Cool cool cool. Just keep me posted!
—
Statehood gets 40% of the vote
United States: Hey there Puerto Rico! Couldn’t help but notice those vote results. Heard about a pesky boycott, but glad to see you’re happy with the way things are going. Don’t get me wrong, I totally would’ve acted on the results if you had wanted the thing I’ve refused to give you for the past 69 years. But looks like you didn’t, so: all’s well that ends well!
Puerto Rico: You really would’ve granted us statehood if a majority of our people wanted it?
United States: Of course! I’m Mr. Democracy over here! Just take a few decades, come back with that majority, and then we’ll talk.
1993
Puerto Rico: Hi! Me again. I know it’s been a while, but we’re gonna have another vote. We’re coming up on 100 years since you took over, and this Commonwealth thing is starting to feel a little old.
United States: Oh I don’t know, I feel incredibly comfortable with it. But sure; go ahead. Let me know how it goes.
Puerto Rico: Are you sure you don’t wanna participate in any way? I gotta say: it’s a little baffling. You used to love changing our laws and our constitution, and having final approval over everything. So it’s strange that you’re being so hands-off about this whole thing when we could be your first new state in decades. That’s a big deal!
United States, nodding: Uh-huh. That is a thing that could absolutely happen. Yep. But, you know… we trust you! Have your little vote; yay, democracy! And then we’ll talk.
—
Statehood gets 46% of the vote
United States: Oooh, so close, Puerto Rico! Forty-six percent! That is some excellent progress. You’re almost at the point where we’d really have a hard time ignoring your request for statehood. You know… hypothetically.
Puerto Rico: But U.S., 46% is almost a majority. And the status quo didn’t get above 50% either, so at the very least people want a change. Independence is in the single digits. Don’t you think it’s time to start seriously talking about statehood? It’s obvious this Commonwealth thing won’t last forever.
United States: Sorry, Puerto Rico, but 50% +1 is, like, a magic number. Democracy! Will of the people, remember? You can’t expect us to go against the will of the people! So until you get that majority, we’re gonna have to keep rockin’ and rollin’ the way we have been for the past 95 years.
1998
Puerto Rico: Hey! We’re gonna go ahead and vote on…
United States: Jesus. This again? It’s only been five years since the last one.
Puerto Rico: Well, you told us we gotta achieve a majority. And you’re not really doing anything… at all on this issue. What other option do we have but to keep voting on it and see what happens?
United States: All right; fair enough. What have you got?
—
Statehood gets 46% of the vote — again
Puerto Rico: OK. Still 46%. But we really think this should matter. We’re almost there. It’s the only viable option; it’s not like you’re offering independence either. Why don’t we at least start the conversation? Once you’ve actually put statehood on the table, I know we can definitely muster a majority to ratify it.
United States, pointing at a big 50% sign on the wall and shaking his head: See you next time?
Puerto Rico: *Sigh* See you next time.
2012
Puerto Rico: OK. We’re gonna vote again. I know, I know — but we’re shaking things up. We’re gonna ask two questions. First, do you want the current status to change? Second, what would you want the change to be? You want a majority, we’ll give you two: one against the status quo and one for statehood!
United States: Hmm. I dunno, Puerto Rico. Two questions? Ifs, ands, and buts? Now you’re the one making things needlessly complicated.
Puerto Rico: It’s not that hard! But if you’d rather actually get involved this time, dictate the process, approve the alternatives… that would be totally fine with us. Just make it a binding, Congressionally approved plebiscite and we’ll do it however you want.
United States: Sorry, Puerto Rico. You can’t ask us to do that! We’re the United States government — we don’t just meddle in other nations’ politics.
Puerto Rico: Have it your way… but when statehood wins don’t come tell us the process was too convoluted and confusing, and that it doesn’t represent a real majority.
—
Question 1: 54% against the status quo
Question 2: 61% for statehood
Puerto Rico: We did it! We finally did it! There’s your majority against the Commonwealth! There’s your majority for statehood! Get that 51st star ready for the flag!
United States: Woah, woah, woah. Hold your horses, Puerto Rico. I’m looking over these results and, I gotta tell you: they look pretty convoluted and confusing to me. Two questions? Who does that? What does it all mean? You got all these blank ballots on the second one so, if you do the math, statehood didn’t really get a majority.
Puerto Rico: But who counts blank ballots?
United States: We do. If we feel like it.
Puerto Rico: …It’s kind of starting to seem like you’re not taking the will of our people very seriously.
United States: *Gasp* How dare you?
2017
Puerto Rico: OK. Let’s do this. Fifth time’s the charm! We’re keeping it simple again — one question: Statehood, Commonwealth, or Free Association/Independence. You sure you don’t wanna make this one binding?
United States: We’re really very sure.
Puerto Rico: Suit yourself, America! We’ll show you this time! Here we go!
—
Statehood wins 97%* of the vote
Puerto Rico: Ninety-freakin’-seven percent! Talk about a supermajority! Start updating those social studies textbooks because it’s statehood time, baby!
United States: C’mon, Puerto Rico. Be serious. Turnout was like 20%. Everybody else literally boycotted the vote. Of course statehood got 97%; those are the only people who showed up!
Puerto Rico: Well, what do you expect? This is the fifth vote you’ve refused to approve or treat as binding. Statehood supporters are the only ones still taking them seriously; everybody else thinks they’re a big joke.
United States: That kind of sounds like a you problem.
Puerto Rico: I’m just saying, this is getting ridiculous. It’s been almost 120 years since you inva… I mean, arrived in Puerto Rico. Something’s gotta give.
United States: Look: you do realize who our current President is, right? You’re lucky we don’t sell you to China, or trade you for Greenland or something.
Puerto Rico: You know, one of these days, maybe even three months from now, there’s gonna be some big disaster in Puerto Rico. And you’re going to fail us because we’re your colony — yeah, I said it: colony — and thousands of Puerto Ricans are gonna die, and people of conscience everywhere are going to rise up and take you to task for perpetuating this unfair, unjust, so-called Commonwealth status.
United States: Nah. They won’t. But we’ll get some paper towels ready.
2020
Puerto Rico, looking forlorn: Hey U.S.
United States: Puerto Rico! What’s up, little buddy? You seem a bit down.
Puerto Rico: It’s been a rough couple of years, America. But we still believe in you. We’re gonna try again. Sixth time’s the charm, right?
United States: Uh-huh.
Puerto Rico: Look: we’re keeping it super simple this time. One question. One option. Statehood: Yes or No?
United States: Uh-huh.
Puerto Rico: Are you sure you don’t wanna make this one binding? It would really solve a lot of the problems with this entire endeavor.
United States: Uh-huh. I mean, uh-uh.
Puerto Rico: *Deep breath* OK. Here we go again!
—
Statehood wins 53% of the vote
Puerto Rico: I… I think we did it? Clear question. Clear majority. Strong turnout: 55% — not great, but better than a lot of U.S. elections! Did we do it? Can we be a state now?
United States: Huh. (Shit.) Would you look at that? (Shit shit shit.) You’ve certainly got… something there. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not exactly an overwhelming mandate… but it’s something. Remember when we said we’d find it hard to ignore majority support for statehood? That… uh… that’s kind of where we are now.
Puerto Rico: Woo! This is so exciting. I mean, we’ve been waiting for so long. And now it’s finally going to happen. And such good timing! The Orange Man is gone, the good guys are in charge again. It’s statehood time!
United States: Well, hold on now. There’s a process to these things. And it’s not gonna be easy. We’re a pretty divided country. But yes: we are definitely, probably, going to get right to work on it. Why don’t you start by getting your Congressional rep, the one who can’t vote, to introduce a statehood bill?
Puerto Rico: Aye aye, captain! Can’t wait to join our fellow Americans!
2021
Puerto Rico: As promised, here’s your bill: The Puerto Rico Statehood Admission Act. Ready to sail through Congress and land on the President’s desk!
United States: Ha! Sail through Congress. That’s a good one. Listen, we’ve been thinking. And we totally respect what you’ve done down there with your little plebiscite. But 53%… it’s really not blowing anybody away over here. I mean, what kind of a majority is that? At best, it’s majority-ish…
Puerto Rico: But, but… what about the will of the people?
United States: Ah… but we never said how many people. Or which ones. Maybe we meant the will of our people! We are fellow Americans, after all. We gotta be in this together.
Puerto Rico: I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.
United States: That’s ok; neither do I. I’m sort of freestyling right now. But try to stay with me. How about this? We’ll think about your statehood bill; keep that over here. But we’re gonna introduce a different bill. The Puerto Rico Self-Determination Act. That sounds good, doesn’t it? Who doesn’t love self-determination! And aren’t two bills better than one?
Puerto Rico: But we’ve voted on this six times. All kinds of ballot designs, all kinds of majorities. Haven’t we already self-determined up the wazoo?
United States: Sure, sure. You could think of it that way. But, thing is… we never really approved any of that. It’s not really your self-determination unless we sign off on it.
Puerto Rico: That’s… the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
United States: Hey we don’t make the rules. Just kidding! We totally make the rules. But this is a good thing! Two bills! Lots of action in Congress! A high-minded, long-overdue debate about Puerto Rico’s decolonization!
Puerto Rico: You mean, the kind of debate we’ve been begging you to engage in for the past century.
United States: Right! Better late than never.
Puerto Rico: I don’t know America. It just seems like you came up with this other bill to throw a wrench in the works, to divide support for Puerto Rico, and to keep kicking the can down the road. It’s 1901, 1917, and 1950 all over again. There’s a simple solution, and you’re doing everything but. We voted for statehood. So why won’t you just grant us statehood?
United States, barely audibly, muttering under his breath: Because we just don’t want to!
Puerto Rico: Sorry… what was that?
United States: Because! Because because because… we want to get this right. It should be abundantly clear by now that we have a profound respect the Puerto Rican people. All the people! And you’re still so divided on this issue! So we have to consider and listen to everybody. The statehood people. The status quo people. Even the pro-independence people.
Puerto Rico: You mean the ones we worked together to suppress for the better part of the 20th century?
United States: Yeah, those guys.
Puerto Rico: So, let me get this straight. You said we needed to get a majority for statehood…
United States: Right.
Puerto Rico: And we got that majority…
United States: Eh, sort of.
Puerto Rico: But we’re still not getting statehood…
United States: Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. Like I said: there’s a process to these things. You have to trust the process. And be patient! Politics takes time. You just voted for statehood last year.
Puerto Rico: It’s been 123 years, America.
United States: Oh, who’s counting?
2022
United States: Bad news, Puerto Rico. These two bills, the Statehood Act and the Self-Determination Act, they have bitterly divided our Congress. I know, I know. Nobody could have predicted this.
Puerto Rico: …
United States: Don’t worry! New plan: we’re going to compromise. Combine the two bills. Take the best parts of both — or maybe the worst parts; whichever we can get people to agree on — and create a single bill: The Puerto Rico Status Act. This is the way forward.
Puerto Rico: *Sigh* But nobody’s happy about this so-called compromise bill. It doesn’t grant statehood — it doesn’t grant anything. It tells us to go have another vote, on options you choose, defined the way you want.
United States: Right. We pre-decide for you, and then you get to decide. Except when we decide not to pre-decide, and instead decide to post-decide. It’s really not that complicated.
Puerto Rico: It just feels like we could’ve done this years ago. Decades ago! *Sigh* But hey, if this is what’s going to work, if this is how a bill becomes a law and we’re finally — finally! — going to have a Congressionally approved process to change Puerto Rico’s status, let’s do it!
United States: Yes, well… becoming law. I mean… have I mentioned we’re a pretty divided country? Maybe we pass this in the House. Maybe! But the Senate. Hmm. There’s this Manchin guy. And the filibuster… how do you say filibuster in Spanish?
Puerto Rico: Filibusterismo.
United States: Huh! No kidding.
Puerto Rico: So what you’re saying is… we’re not getting statehood. We’re not getting a statehood bill. We’re not getting the other bill. We’re not even getting — not really — this bill that was supposedly, specifically crafted to be politically feasible. Pardon my french, America, but what the fuck are we even doing and why the fuck are we even doing it?
United States: Because, Puerto Rico, this is the only thing that we’re willing to give you. Whether it’s pre-, or post-, or right smack dab in the middle of the so-called will of your so-called people: we decide. And don’t you fucking forget it.
—
The Puerto Rico Status Act passes a lame-duck House of Representatives in December 2022, on the very last day the House is in session. It is reintroduced the following year: in the House, where Republicans ignore it, and in the Senate, where Democrats ignore it.
In Puerto Rico, pro-statehood leaders muse about having yet another non-binding plebiscite — #7, if you’re counting. The dwindling “Commonwealth” supporters desperately cling to the notion that Puerto Rico is not a colony. And the independence movement, now allied with other progressive forces on the island, fights for a potential electoral victory in 2024 and prepares for the future.
????
Puerto Rico: Hello, United States.
United States: Puerto Rico! Been a while. You look different. Did you do something with your hair?
Puerto Rico: Funny; you look different to me too.
United States: So what’s on the agenda for today? Let me guess: another plebiscite? We really did get so close last time! Just need that majority to get a little bit stronger and, I promise, we’re gonna take a really serious look at this statehood thing again.
Puerto Rico: No.
United States: No?
Puerto Rico: No more meaningless votes. No more bills that never make it out of Congressional committee. No more waiting for you to tell us what you’ll allow our political future to be. I’m here to demand our independence.
United States: You’re here to what now?
Puerto Rico: I am here — we are here — to demand our independence.
United States: …
Puerto Rico: …
United States: We thought you’d never ask. OK. Now let’s talk.
